This word, even with its meaning, it took me ages to understand it. Somebody once asked me ” What are your ambitions?” and I looked at him terrified and gave this lost expression lost expression. I remembered when they started to tell me that I needed to start thinking what I wanted to be in the future and what I was going to study to be sure that future could happen. I saw my self doing and being many things, but experts only help those who are damn sure and those that have nothing in mind, not the conflicted ones. I discovered that I have a knack for foreign languages (Italian, French, Chinese, etc.) you get the idea. So I decided to base myself in that path and figured everything I could do with that idea. Ever since I graduated in 2008 from 4th year I can pretty much say I was lost, and wandering safely didn’t do me any good either, and as it turns out, foreign languages need to stick to another category so it can truly be professional and not just be a person with a lot of potential.
It later took me 3 years of study at this “prestigious” university to finally ask myself “am i enjoying what I’m studying?” . Well, the answer was: Languages do not get you far unless you combine it with a bigger branch (note: unless you want to be a translator or an expert of a certain language). So, I went on a search inside every department the university had and looked for that something that could feel my want to be at least more than a person with potential. It didn’t take me long to discover photography in my university and that was that something. But this “prestigious” university (which shall remain unnamed) teaches black and white photography (plot twist: we may be in modern times but this class was not digital). Now, before many of you stop there and say ” How can you dare say your passion is photography when you can’t even appreciate the way it was done before? You’ll never know how it will be to make a picture truly yours until you develop a film and make it into a print!”. I have nothing against it except maybe for the cost of the materials here in Puerto Rico. You see in the United States, these kinds of things are still used and it has a nice market, but not here in Puerto Rico and trust when i say its hell-a-lot expensive. Though many people think that Puerto Rico is a third world country and it’s most certainly not. The island has well kept how it can with the digital era quite well.
By the way I do know what its like to make a picture completely mines, I got that far, but the running out of materials was the problem. so i had to drop the class. 3 times for the same reason: money problems. In the process of failing miserably my photography class I decided to look into the world of cinema. My interest was over the roof! And then the university decides to screw me over. So i had to stop studying for a semester to get my shit straight. After getting a job, I felt the need to keep studying I did not want to stop this combination of knowledge and the perfect mixture I had going. so I looked up a new university. I went to the campus and the whole feeling of the place felt just right to me. Like this is where my money should go to. and that’s where I will be making sure my future won’t cave in. I truly want to be a cinematographer or an editor maybe both! And now I can look that person in the eye and say that this is my ambition, and this is my path and this is only the beginning for me. After losing my scholarship it didn’t mean studying was not for me, it meant i wasted to much time in a worthless place. The thing is I guess I shocked myself because I haven’t given up on myself.